Look Mom, I Can Spell - Almost

Lately I’ve been impressed with the quality of my own spelling. When I started this blog, I decided not to run spell check, so that my non-dyslexic readers could experience the pleasure of sounding out everything they read. While my spelling isn’t always accorate, I did endure nearly four hundred hours of one-on-one phonix training as a child. So my guesses are always phonetic.

But here’s the thing. My spelling has improved. A lot. By cutting Wednesday’s post into word and running spell check, it appears I misspelled 10 out of 477 words. 98% accuracy isn’t perfect, but if that post was a spelling test, I would have gotten a high A. And the words that I did misspell were all really close. Spending 30 seconds running spell check, and I could have been error free.

I’ve noticed my improved spelling in my fiction writing too. I completed the first draft of my first novel about eight years ago. At that time, I misspelled about 25% of the words I attempted to write. I would have to stop and correct my spelling at the end of each sentance. And it would often take me ten or fifteen minutes to figure out the correct spelling of the words I wanted to use. But I can’t even remember the last time I made it to step ten in the dyslexic’s guide to spell check. Now my fiction is just as accurate as this blog. I type a couple paragraphs, zip through spell check, and move on.

I know that I still misspell a lot of words that the average twelve year old can write with no problem. But I railrly feel self concious about my spelling. I can limp along well enough to get my point across. And my failures tend to fall close enough to the mark that they are easily corrected.

So I was a bit shocked when my husband started making fun of my grocery list yesturday. It turns out, of the fifteen items I put on the list, two were spell correctly. His favorite was pretselz. Apparently that isn’t how it’s spelled.

I’m not sure why I can spell revelation without problem, but I still haven’t learned how to spell cheeze. My guess is practice. I’ve been spending more and more time writing. And after correcting the same word a hundred times, my guesses slowly move closer to the mark. But I never worry about making my grocery lists legible. Perhaps I just need to write a cook book. Then I might figure out how to spell orenges.

Joke of the Day

A boy asked his teacher, "How do you spell ichael?"

"Do you mean Michael?" the teacher asked.

"No, I already have the M down."

Horrible Homonims

I really hate homonims. Needing to memorize which spelling is used for each case is seriously annoying. Why can’t there just be one spelling for each word? There are a lot of nasty homonims in this world. Here are a few of the most annoying ones:

one/won

two/to/too

their/there/they’re

its/it’s

knight/night

weather/whether

which/witch

presents/presence

pique/peak

Even though I hate pure homonims a lot! I hate near homonims even more. I’m talking about the words that have different sounds but similar spellings and very differant meanings. When I misspell these words, I tend to look like an even bigger idiot than when I misspell homonims. And I hate looking stupid – even though that tends to happen rather frequently.

These are a few of the worst wannabe homonims:

sweet/sweat

threw/through/throw/though/thorough/thought/etc

nether/neither

orange/arrange

college/collage

concur/conquer

counsel/council/conceal

clothes/close

I’m sure there are many many more homonims and near homonims that I misspell on a regular basis. Unfotrunately, I am so bad at recongizing homonims, that I just go about misspelling these words all the time without even attempting to select the correct word.

How Do You Spell Hypocondriac

There is a reason I haven't blogged for a while. I was stuck in bed with swine flu. Although I'm feeling much better now, so I must have a really strong imune system.

I am a bit of a hypocondriac. I typically assume that I have a rair disease every time I feel a bit under the weather. Perhaps I need to stop watching "House". It is a great TV show, but it also fuels me with lots of new ideas about diseases I might have.

When I got sick last week, I really never thought that I had swine flu. I got super tired while I was at work - literatly falling asleep at my desk. So I went home. Most of my co-workers joked it was swine flu when I was leaving. When I got home, my husband started oinking at me. But I did a little research on the internet and saw that I really didn't have very many of the swine flu symptoms.

I was extreamly fatigued, I had a slight feaver, I was nausious, and felt super light headed. Sleeping 16-18 hours a day for five days and taking lots of vitamins did make me feel much better. So it may have just been some virus other than H1N1, or it could have been stress, or it could have been anemia, or it could have been some rair desease like they feature on "House".

Last week wasn't the first time I had displayed these symptoms, so I didn't even have to research them to know what diseases I could have. I desided Adisons Disease was a much more likely perpetrator than Swine Flu. While I have never had my cortisol levels tested, I have had doctors go down the list and ask me about every single symptom for Adisons Disease. Adisons disease is pretty rair though. Cancer is a lot more common. So I could have just had lucimia.

I told you I'm a hypocondriac. When I get super tired for a week right in the middle of a swine flu epidemic, my mind immediately jumps to - I problably have lucimia. Fortunately, I'm feeling much better now. So it must have magically gone into remission on its own.

Words I Hate

There are a lot of words that I have no idea how to spell. For the most part I’m comfortable with that. There are a lot of very long words that are perfectally phonetic, so even if I’m not aware that I know how to spell them I am able to guess right. The problem is the words that I know I can’t spell. Words that I use all the time, and spell wrong every single time I use them. I know that I can’t spell them. I want to learn how to spell them. But it just doesn’t happen. I continue to misspell these killer words day after day after day.

I am breaking my rules a bit – I am going to use spell check to figure out the correct spelling of these words for the sake of this discussion. Here is a list of the words that pleage me most:

Tomorrow – Why is it spelled that way? In my mind the most phonetic spelling would be tomarow. I figured out that one of the consinents was doubled so I started spelling it tommarow, but I was still wrong. Then I started spelling it tomarrow, but still I’m wrong. Then I realized that tomorrow is the one word in the English language where a hard r sound is spelled with an or instead of an ar. So I started spelling it tomorow, or tommorow. Sometimes I do spell it tomorrow, but it is purely a matter of chance. I have no idea how to spell this word, I just know it is one of about 8 spellings, and I readomly guess. Sometimes I guess right, but most of the time I guess wrong.

Awkward – Awkward is an awkward word, it seems fitting somehow. The letter pattern wkw is not common place. I honestly don’t have the slightest clue how to spell this word. It is one that I normally have to find by looking up odd, or uncomfortable in the thesarus – but awkward is such an awful word it doesn’t even have good synomims. For a while I thought there was a qu in the middle of it – there isn’t. But the spelling seems so buzar to me that I typally toss random letters into word and simply pray that I’ll come up with a suggestion. It happens rairly. Lately I’ve been taking my not knowing how to spell this hellish word as a sign I need to expand my vocabulary. I need to stop writing about auquerd characters just so I can stop attempting to spell this horrible horrible string of seven letters.

Through/Threw/Though/Throw/Thought… - Can somebody please tell me why through is pronounced exactly the same way as threw, but though is pronounced the same way as throw. I hate ough! Does it make a ō sound, or an aw sound, or an ew sound? Why does it have to make all three when followed by a th? I am always spelling these words wrong. Ough’s should be outlawed. In a perfect world these words would be spelled threw/threw/thoe/throw/thaut.

Orange/Arrange: - Clearly I have a problem with these words because I had to look organize up in the thesarous in order to find out how to spell arrange. I always think the color/fruit is spelled orenge and the management of clutter is spelled orange, or possably orainge. That makes sence to me. I’m actually a bit shocked that these words are spelled so differently, seeing as how I have been confusing them for years.

Seismic: - I understand that most people rairly used this word, but for my day job I’m a structural engineer, so I actually use this word a lot. Isn’t it evil? Looking at it don’t you just feel my pain? Here are a few alternative spellings that I like a lot better – sciesmic, sciesmic, seiscmic, seismic… Anything would be better than seismic. And really why do they teach you “I before E except after C” in elementry school? I keep on trying to put a c in this word, but it doesn’t belong. Yet there is still an e before the i.

Of/off: - I do know how to spell of, really I do. It only has two letters, and it is one of the most common words in the English language. I figured out that of is the one case where an f makes a va sound, and I got over it. Occationally if I’m writing really fast and not thinking about it a ov will sneek in. But for the most part I’ve got of down. My bigger problem is off. I never want to put in that second f. Because I know in my heart of hearts that of is supposed to be spelled ov, I feel comfortable spelling off of. Spell check doesn’t even catch this error though – since of is a real word. Why do the most common words always have to have the weirdest spellings?

Lettuce: This really isn’t one of my least favorite words. It doesn’t bother me in the least bit that I consistantly spell it letus. My spelling makes perfect sence, and every time I put letus on the grocery list my husband brings home a bundle of leafy greens. He just always scoffs at me afterwards. Like there is something wrong with not being able to spell letus. I mean really – who does he think he is married to?

The Trouble With Commas

If you haven’t noticed yet, my comma usage is just as bad as my spelling. I have a theory about why I’m so bad at using commas. You can’t always hear a comma. I didn’t learn English from reading it, I learned English from hearing it. I have a large speaking vocabulary, and I spell like a third grader. There are a lot of veratious readers in this world who often mispronance words that they have read many times but never heard aloud. I will never be one of those people. Instead I often spend a great deal of time sounding out words that I say on a regular basis. I may have learned to speak English by listening, but people don’t talk with commas. Hence my gaustly punctuation.

People claim that commas indicate a small pause in speech, but they really don’t. When I stick commas in places that need a small pause, I end up putting a comma where I really need a period. Most of the “rules” regarding comma use have nothing to do with sound and are simply ment to provide for easier reading. Reading is never easy for me, with or without proper punctation – so I haven’t figured out where I’m supposed to be putting my commas.

Somehow it has been drilled into my head that I’m supposed to put a comma on both sides of a person’s name, and on both sides of the word however. The place were I struggle with commas is separating clauses in a compound sentance. Apparently I need a comma after an introductory clause, but not before a secondary clause. I don’t know. When I just write, and don’t think about commas and I end up with long runon sentances that people find difficult to read. Perhaps I talk in run on sentances, I don’t really know what my problem is. When I do attempt to properly punctuate my writing, I end up sticking commas where they don’t belong, and omitting them from the places they are needed.

I find commas very confusing. The thing that bothers me the most about commas is that other people seem to understand them. Most people accept my lack of spelling. They might not like it, but they learn to deal. But dyslexia isn’t supposed to be an excuse for bad grammer, just bad spelling. When my punctation is all wrong, people look at me like I’ve grown a third eye or something.

I guess that is the whole point of this post. I just want you to stop staring at my forhead with a bewildered look on your face. I know I don’t understand commas. I want to learn, but the rules are really confusing. And a bell only rings at the end of the sentence in books on tape written for preschoolers. When I listen to classic literature on fast forward, there are no commas. Just a really great story all messed together into a giant run-on sentance.

How Do You Spell Your Name?

Most humans seem to have an overwellming fasination with their own name. It seems that every toddler I know is capable of spelling their name. A young child may only know five letters in the alphabet, but they know the five letters used to spell their name along with the required order. I am not like most humans. I have never felt an overwellming need to properly spell my own name.

I did learn to spell my first and last name at a relatively young age. My elementry school teachers all required my name to appear on the top of my assignments, so I figured out how to scrawl down my name early in my education. But my teachers never asked me to write my middle name on the top of my paper, so it never occured to me I should learn the spelling of that word too.

I knew my middle name began with an M. It’s fairly commen for people to require a middle initial when filling out a form. I knew three people whose first names matched my middle name – my grandmother, Robinhood’s girlfriend, and the madum librarian from the Music Man. It never seemed important for me to learn the spelling of any of those peoples names though.

You may find it odd that I didn’t learn the spelling of my grandmothers’ name, but I typically wrote grandma on cards and letters, so I really never needed to write her real name down. I’m still not entirely sure of the spelling of either of my grandfather’s names. Their names are Jenkins and Arnold. Those names may be spelled correctly, or they might not be. I rairly know when my spelling is correct. I simply guess, and hope I guessed write. If I was asked to write one of my grandfather’s names on an important document I would make sure and ask a better speller before grabbing my pen.

So when I went to fill out my college application at age 17, and saw that they required my full middle name not just my middle initial I logically asked my mother. “How do you spell my middle name?”

She answered, “M-A-R-I-A-N,” right before she went bizerk. I was a senior in high school. I was heading off to college. And I didn’t know how to spell my own name. How had she failed so miserably as a parent?

As you can see, I now know how to spell Marian. This is because my mother took to quizzing me on the spelling of my middle name every day for the next month. But I still think it’s a very difficult word to spell. Marion berries are spelled with an o, but pronounced the exact same way. And it seems equally likely that it could be spelled Mairian, Marianne, or Maryan. I just don’t see the point in memorizing the spellings of every word in the English language. And apparently as a child, I never saw the point of memorizing the spelling of my own name. Like I said before – I am not like most people.

A Lesson in Phonics

Most children get a brief introduction to phonics in elementry school, but few adults are concious of phonics when reading and writing. When I was a child, I met with a private tutor three times a week for four years. During that time I recieved a much more indepth phonics training. Even as an adult, I have a very small site vocabulary. When I read, I sound out each word and decode its meaning. When I write, I carefully select the most probable phonetic spelling of the word.

If you aren’t me, you many already have an inharent understanding of phonics. You may also be cabably of learning a phonics lesson without writing each letter or letter combination in rice while stating its phoneme 78 times. So I’ll simply give you a brief phonics lesson and allow you to retain of it what you will. If you want a more indepth approach find a tutor familiar with the Orton-Gillingham method of multi-sensory education, and sacrifies a coupe hundred hours to your phonics training.

There are 42 phonemes in the English language, even though there are only 26 letters. This means that there are several letters that can make multiple sounds. There are also sounds that require multiple letters to spell. Some phonemes can be spelled multiple ways. Below is a list of all 42 English phonemes, along with each of their spellings (or at least of the spellings I can remember off the top of my head).

ā – a, a-consonent-e, ae, ai, ay, eigh, ey
a – a
b – b
k – c, k, ck
d – d
ē – e, e-consonent-e, ee, ea, ie, y, i, ey
e – e, ea,
f – f, ph, gh
g – g, gh
h – h
ī – i, i-consonant-e, igh, y
i – i
j – j, g, dge
l – l
m – m, mb
n – n, kn
ō – o, o-consonent-e, oa, oe, ough, ow
o – o, au, ough, ou,
p – p
kw – qu
r – r, wr, er, ir, ur
s – s, c
t – t
ū – u, u-consonent-e, ew, ue
u – u, a, o, e, au, ou
v – v, f
w – w
ks – x
y – y
z – z, s
ōō – oo, u, u-consonent-e, ew
oo – oo, u
oi – oi, oy
ou – ou, ow
aw – aw, au, a, o
ar – ar
sh – sh, si, ti, ci, che
hw – wh
ch – ch, tch
th – th
ng – ng
zh – s

I graduated from tutoring more than 17 years ago, so I may have missed a few of the less probable spellings. I feel like there should be more for the spellings of the soft vowel sounds of a and i, but I can’t think of any others off the top of my head. If you can think of any sound spellings I missed, please feel free to make me look bad.

Users Guild to Spellcheck

I'm not using spell check in this blog - which is making my life oh so easy. But in most situations, I do attempt to correct my creative spelling before unleashing it on the world. This isn't always an easy thing to do. I have developed an integrated stratagy for spell checking that I will explain to you now. If you too are a piss poor speller, feel free to implement these stratagies at will.

1. Right click on all the words that MS WORD underlines in read.

2. If the correct spelling is listed give yourself a pat on the back for being so close.

3. If only one word is listed take the time to carefully sound it out and make sure it is the correct word. Selecting the wrong word from spell check can be wors than leaving in a misspelled word.

4. When you get that nasty "no suggestions" response, begin by analysing your consinets.

5. If there is a place where a single consinent could be doubled or an f could be replaced with a ph, try that first.

6. If after two or three tries of shifting up consinents you still don't have a useful suggestions, return to your orriginal consinents and begin alternating vowels.

7. If you are a reformed dyslexic who was subjected to many years of intensive phonics training you should know that the sound ē can be spelled e, e-consinent-e, ee, ea, y, ie, i, or ey. Most vowel sounds have at least five possible spellings. Shift through alternative vowel spellings until word gives you a useful suggestion.

8. When word fails you and you can't think of any more possible spelling options move onto google. Type a common phrase using the word into google and see if it gives you the "did you mean..." suggestions.

9. When word and google both fail you, move onto the thesarus. Look up a synonim for the word you are attempting to spell in the thesarus and hope it lists the word you want in the list of synonims.

10. If you still don't know how to spell your intended word - just put in the synonim and move on.

So there you have it. After going though all those easy steps, 99% of the time you should have correct spelling. Normally the misspelling creaps in when step 3 isn't properly followed.