Wednesday, July 29, 2009

A Conversation with India

As a prefese, I would like to state that my house is totally geeked out with six computers all networked together on our own little home intranet. We even have three copy machines – but you don’t want to get me started on that topic. When two engineers get married that sort of thing seems to happen sometimes.

But my husbands favorite pasttime is harrasing telemarketers, so this is a conversation I overheared last night. Needless to say I was rolling on the floor in uncontrolable laughter as my husband did a great job of performing the part of the worlds stupidest American.

US: Hello

India: Hello, my name is Mr. Wilson, I am calling from XXX company. We provide computer assistance services.

US: But I’m talking to you on the phone not the computer.

India: Do you have a computer?

US: Yes, but I’m on the phone right now.

India: How long does it take your computer to boot up?

US: My computer doesn’t get up, it stays on the desk where it belongs.

India: Are you using your computer right now?

US: No, it’s turned off. And the phone cord doesn’t reach far enough for me to get to it.

India: My company can fix your computer.

US: Are you going to come to my house and fix my computer? That is a long trip from India.

India: Noone is coming to your house. We’ll fix it remotely.

US: So I have to send my computer to India for you to fix it?

India: No your computer never has to leave your house.

US: You are going to come hook a truck up to my house and take it to India? Why would you take a mobile home over the ocean just to fix a computer?

India: Nobody is going to move your house, or your computer. We will access your computer via the internet. The world wide web.

US: Oh, I don’t have the internet.

India: You don’t have the internet?

US: No, I got to the library for that. Does that mean I have to take my computer the library for you to fix it? But you said that my computer didn’t have to leave my house?

India: You don’t have the internet at your house?

US: No, I use the internet at the library. So do I have to take my computer to the library for you to fix it?

India: You have a computer but not the internet?

US: Yes.

India: What do you use your computer for then? Do you use it for games?

US: No, I don’t like games.

India: Then what do you use you computer for?

US: I write.

India: What do you write?

US: I write books.

India: What are your favorite books?

US: I haven’t read very many books from India, but I do know of one, it has really great pictures in it. It’s called the Kamasutra. That is a really good book. My wife likes that book a lot too. The pictures are very helpful.

India: Who is your favorite author?

US: Me.

India: Who?

US: Me. I like the books I write a lot.

India: What books have you written?

US: None have been published yet. Maybe someday. Who is your favorite author?

India: Tolstoy

US: Oh, that Russian guy. I didn’t know people from India knew how to read Russian.

India: Tolstoy’s books are available in English too.

US: Ok. I just have one other thing to say to you. I’m on the federal no call list, so if you or anyone else from your company ever calls me again I will take legal action. It was nice talking to you though. Have a nice day.

1 comment:

Stephanie Faris said...

He has a lot more patience than I do! I always just say "No thank you" and hang up.